Not Angela Lansbury

Sometimes all you want to do is go back to the way it was, but when you try, you discover it’s in the past for a reason. As sad as it is to find this out, it’s comforting to know that you can and must move forward with your life.

I’m growing up. Gross.

laurenashleybishop:

heyveronica:

sleepybrowneyes:

seifukucat:

googled “dog swearing” and wasn’t disappointed

His fucking look of determination. Like, “you’re going to fucking jail Greg.”

greg is fucked

"so help you dog"

laurenashleybishop:

heyveronica:

sleepybrowneyes:

seifukucat:

googled “dog swearing” and wasn’t disappointed

His fucking look of determination. Like, “you’re going to fucking jail Greg.”

greg is fucked

"so help you dog"

livefromnew-york:

improvinator:

A very old, VHS copy of Dratch & Fey.

GUYS THIS IS A HUGE FUCKING DEAL . REBLOG THe shit out of it

THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!

Gifting

I’m a bad person to buy gifts for. Ask me what I want or need, I freeze up because in that moment I realize I’m a white girl in a first world country that has a job and a roof over her head and any kitchen appliance I’ve been eyeing for the past year suddenly seems insignificant and utterly ridiculous. I also don’t like asking for things I truly need because I don’t want my mother to know that I can’t even afford windshield wipers for my car. And these aren’t really gifts; they’re obligations that are a symbol of love. But are they really a symbol if it’s causing my mother stress to find me the perfect thing I can forget about in a year?

My greatest presents have not been presents at all, but things that come to me when I least expect it on a day when I’m not supposed to receive anything. Like the two kittens we found on the day of my Nonna’s funeral.
I had just lost a father and my last grandparent, I wanted something happy in my life, and I found two kittens with no mother in need of some serious love and attention. It was ultimately a gift from the universe, and I’m flattered that the universe knows me so well, what with all the billions of people it has to look after.

So what I’m really saying is you can’t beat the universe in gift giving. I encourage you to try, but don’t feel bad if you fall short.

When a cute guy I just met mentions his girlfriend
How does one begin a successful career that depends on sheer luck?
This is for Emily Parsons. Note the water button.

This is for Emily Parsons. Note the water button.

jessandlen:

Our queen.

Hail Amy Poehler.

jessandlen:

Our queen.

Hail Amy Poehler.

Bad Alliterations to Use In Improv Name Games

Asshole Angela
Agoraphobic Angela
Argumentative Angela
Anxious Angela
Aphrodisiac Angela
Antagonistic Angela
Argyle Angela
Androgynous Angela
Arthritic Angela
Alluring Angela
Angelic Angela

My Declaration for Change in my Life as I Lay on my Couch and Watch the Wonder Years

Technology has brought us so far, yet slows us down on a daily basis. I don’t need to check Facebook, twitter, Instagram, or snapchat ten times a day, but I do in case I miss something. What am I really missing? Time, apparently.

My phone is the first thing I pick up in the morning and the last thing I put down before I go to bed. I check so many apps when I wake it takes me a half hour to get out of bed, at the very least. I once gave up Facebook due it’s perpetual time wasting abilities, but I found solace in twitter. It did help me write what I consider to be funny jokes, but now I scan hours of material, somehow missing my friends posts thanks to someone live tweeting a shitty movie. I don’t do anything but waste time, and I’m not blaming any of these social media sites, I blame myself for my lack of control over them. I came to LA to find a career in television, and I’m not leaving until I actually try at it.

So as of September 20th, I am deactivating Facebook, twitter, Instagram, snapchat, vine, and anything else that will prevent me from my goals. These sites will only come back once I have finished everything I started, but soon abandoned, which is all of it: my plays, my pilots, my sketches three dialogue lines in. It will be hard, but I am tired of making excuses for myself. Time for some tough love as I enter my 27th year of life. I do not intend on hostessing at a Chili’s for much longer, let alone when I’m 28.
I refuse to accept my current life situation, and I don’t know where this will lead me, but it’s a stab at creating something better for myself.

This is my proclamation, which will be seen by no one save for Emily Parsons, because she is my only friend who still checks her Tumblr.